Therapy, Whoring Out, and Bringing Phone Conversations Back
Been working with my therapist lately on helping me deal with my angst. Not sure when it happened, but somewhere down the line my art became connected to money. There was a time where art making was a sacred process first and product second, but over time the latter became the focus. My therapist suggested something radical: that I try to make art for myself. Crazy, right? Art for myself, I thought, that's self indulgent and without money it lacks purpose! That was a real thought.
Without money it lacks purpose.
I'm not sure why I think this way. Maybe it's capitalism, friends, family, strangers, or society - whatever it is, it's definitely conditioned me to think a certain way. He then asked me another mind shattering question: "What is your relationship to art?" Damn, a double whammy, because it dawned on me that I've lost touched with my real art goals. And why was I posting on social media like a madman anyways? To gain followers? Rarely did any of those newly acquired strangers become patrons. The people who did were usually ones I met in person at conventions or at social events where real connections were made. And so, like Ross Geller of Friends, I took a break - that is, with social media. It's been weird. I feel like I'm floating in the nether realm without the likes or thumbs up validating my work, but it's freeing because I'm making stuff for myself and I'm learning in the process.
That being said, I can see myself back on IG or Facebook again in the near future, but I think it would be more for promoting an event or something I'm crowdfunding. To me, social media isn't really social in the truest sense of the word, but a marketing platform. I think my second go around with social media would be more for the sake of commerce then using it as a means to connect with people.
Like Joshi says in Blade Runner 2049:
"We're all just looking out for something real."